Loophole

Garfunkel & Oates - Loophole 
Bb C Bb C Fsus4 F 
Fsus4       Bb 
All my life I've been good 
           F                   C 
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should 
F                Gmi 
Go to church and Bible School 
   C             F 
To live by God's rule 
 
       Ami                                       Bb 
So whatever people tell me, that the Bible tells me 
C      F 
I will do 
 
F                                     Bb 
Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring 
             Dmi                   C 
Unlike those other girls, I got my morals in check 
       F               Bb 
It was easy to do 'til I got a boyfriend 
    Dmi                        G7 
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck 
 
    Bb       F               Bb      F 
But I made a pact to keep my hymen intact 
    Bb              C 
And Jesus and I are tight 
 
      F                 Bb 
Never learned about the birds and the bees 
      Dmi                            C 
I was taught to keep an aspirin in-between my knees 
           F                     Bb 
'Cause The Bible says premarital sex is wrong 
    Dmi                        G7 
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long 
 
  Bb          F           Bb             F 
I don't wanna lose him to someone who'll do him 
  Bb                       C 
I need to figure something out 
 
                F                              Bb 
Well, there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well 
         Dmi                 Cadd9 
So I can get him off without going to hell 
     F             Bb 
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace 
   Dmi             G 
In Jesus' name, we go to fifth base 
 
    Dmi                     G 
Oh, thank you for making me holy 
    Dmi                     G 
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from 
    Bb                      C 
And since I'm not a godless whore 
      Bb                  C 
He'll have to come in the back door, therefore 
 
F                                Bb 
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus 
    Dmi                          Bb C 
The good Lord would want it that way 
           F        Gm7         Bb                 G 
Gimme that sweet sensation of a throbbing rationalization 
     Bb                   C Csus4 C 
It's just between you and me 
       Bb                      C 
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex 
               F 
That God can't see 
 
     F             Bb 
It's hard to be as pure as me 
     Dmi                   Dmi7 C 
To resist the urge to lose my   vaginal virginity 
   F             Bb 
To wait until my marriage bed 
   Dmi                          G7 
To give my husband my unsullied maidenhead 
 
   Bb        F         Bb          F 
So take your cock out, shove it in my ass 
Bb                C 
Fuck me until you cum! 
             Bb             F         Bb        F 
oops! I mean let's join our souls and unite our bodies 
    Bb                    C   C7 
And fly with the wings of God 
 
    F                  Bb 
Whatever you do, don't touch my clitoris 
       Dmi                        C 
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this 
    F                         Bb 
And no prophylactics when you put it in 
       Dmi                           G7 
'Cause birth control's for sluts and it's a sin 
 
     Bb         F          Bb           F 
I've emptied my bowels and laid out the towels 
    Bb          C 
I'm ready for romance 
 
        F                               Bb 
Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest 
       Dmi                   C 
But of all of my holes, this one's the driest 
       F                     Bb 
And we can't procreate if we anally copulate 
    Dmi                         G7 
And God's okay with sodomy, but only if you're straight 
 
        Bb                      C   Csus4 C 
And I'm staying pure, no matter what 
   Bb                        C      Bb          C 
So I'm okay with everything, but... everything, but... 
B7         C7 
Everything butt... 
 
F                                Bb 
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus 
    Dmi                          Bb C 
The good Lord would want it that way 
           F        Gm7         Bb                 G 
Gimme that sweet sensation of a rock-hard rationalization 
     Bb                   C Csus4 C 
It's just between you and me 
       Bb                      C 
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex 
               F 
That God can't see 
 
  Dmi                   G 
I do whatever The Bible tells me to 
  Dmi                       C 
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore 
               Dmi             C 
'Cause they're unrealistic and inconvenient 
        Dmi                Gsus4 
But the rest I live by for sure 
 
   Bb                                          C 
So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce 
    Bb                                               C 
And how it condones slavery and killing gays, 'cause those parts don't count, of course 
      G7                                              Bb              H7 
Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and mine it for ambiguities and omissions 
   C                   C#             Dmi                    Dmi7      G 
To circumvent any real sacrifice, but still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted positions 
    F              C              Dmi7 
And don't you dare question my convictions 
               G                    Gmi 
And don't look closely at the contradictions 
     F            C                  Dmi7 
Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion 
         G                          Gmi 
And have faith in its complete jurisdiction 
 
       G 
As the only way to measure if you're good or not 
    G7 
And in a debate, just say to “have faith” 
            G7                                          C 
'Cause when up against logic, it's the only card you've got 
 
   Bb 
So close your eyes 
            C 
Take a deep breath, and 
 
F                                Bb 
Fuck me in the ass 'cause I love Jesus 
    Dmi                          Bb C 
The good Lord would want it that way 
           F        Gmi7        Bb                  G 
Gimme that sweet sensation of a irrational rationalization 
     Bb                   C 
It's just between you and me 
       Bb                      C 
'Cause everyone knows it's the sex 
               G7 
That God can't see 
 
         Bb                C 
Yeah, my chastity belt has locks 
    Bb                    C                 F 
But sometimes you need to think outside the box